Relationships are hard work

(week 5)

I've been thinking about John Gottman's "The Seven Princilples for Making Marriage Work" and comparing it with H. Wallace Goddard's "Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage." One is a secular, research based methodology towards creating a happy marriage, the other apply's religious principles to marriage. On the surface, perhaps, they don't seem to be driving towards the same understanding. The first emphasizes friendship with your partner, the other emphasizes gaining the attributes of godliness. 

I tend to be a more logical thinker and find myself leaning towards research based learning, and my mind kept going back to Gottman's work while I was reading Goddard's religious perspective. I kept thinking, "Where is the overlap?" 

Here's what I think:

Life is about relationships (remember, I talked about this in previous posts). And one of our most influential relationships is with our spouse. When we build friendship with our spouse, it takes work. It's often said that in marriage we "refine our rough edges" as we learn to become one. This friendship enhances connection, fulfillment and gives a sense of belonging. All this is backed up by research at the Gottman Institute. 

But doesn't this mirror the relationship we create and foster with God? As we become one with Christ, our rough edges are smoothed out. The friendship that we develop enhances connection, fulfillment and creates a sense of belonging. It also impacts our goals and direction. In essence, this relationship is as Goddard teaches, our process of gaining godly attributes. 

If I want to become closer to my spouse, I work to attune myself to him. This is the same pattern in which I become closer to my Savior. 

So, I think that both of these authors are converging on the same principle but from different perspectives. How wonderful it is to have both secular and religious material that points us toward connection, fulfillment, belonging -

J O Y.