P R I D E

week 8

I’ve spent time this week reading from Gottman and Goddard. While my plunges into these books are always thought-provoking, this week it was self-revealing. I’ve been contemplating the calls from Gottman to “let your partner influence you” and Goddard to embrace “humility and repentance” in my marriage. While I would like to say I was completely oblivious to my resembling a need for either of those calls to action – I felt like I “found myself” in those pages. Let me be clear, I am not attempting to be self-deprecating or throwing a pity party. I consider myself a kind and good person, but I also acknowledge my imperfection and status as a “work in progress.” To round off this week of “coming to myself” like the Prodigal Son, I studied Ezra Taft Benson’s landmark talk on Pride from 1989. He defines pride as this, “The central feature of pride is enmity—enmity toward God and enmity toward our fellowmen. Enmity means ‘hatred toward, hostility to, or a state of opposition.’”

I was really taken by (read: convicted by) the words used by President Benson and it prompted me to look up the definition of enmity myself. Enmity comes from an Anglo-French word meaning “enemy”. These words/phrases are what I found describing enmity from my good friend, Merriam-Webster Dictionary:

Deep seated dislike                                             Open or concealed

Natural/logical basis                                       Desire to avoid or reject

Ill-will/vindictiveness                                       Bitter brooding

Prejudice

Not exactly a set of phrases that you want in conjunction with ANY relationship. But all the same, I could find myself identifying with these feelings when pondering their appearances in my marriage, friendships, family and work relationships. It feels like I am suddenly seeing myself in a mirror for the first time.

I went back to Ezra Taft Benson’s talk on pride and I dug through for the phrases he used. Here is what I found:

Reject influence                                                   Rebellion

Puffed up                                                                 Hard-hearted

Unrepentant                                                         Puffed up

Easily offended                                                    Sign seeking

Back biting                                                            Murmuring

Withholding gratitude/praise                      Unforgiving

Self-pity                                                                  Self-seeking

Contention          

That last one is probably the biggest “side-effect” of pride. Contention – it’s everywhere. I have noticed this has been more prevalent in my home lately, so I zeroed in on this next statement by Pres. Benson.

                                               

“Contention in our families drives the Spirit of the Lord away. It also drives many of our family members away.” The last thing I want for anyone I hold dear is for them to feel driven away. I have seen that in my extended family, and it breaks my heart.

Pride fades our feelings of connection.

I’m going to just let that sit for a minute and sink in.

This circles back to what Gottman and Goddard were teaching and influence and humility. If connection/relationship are paramount, then pride is the grim reaper. If I want greater connection, better relationships (particularly in my marriage, but this can be applied to all relationships), I need to start taking a hard look in the mirror and find where pride is putting a slow squeeze on me, and start combating it with-

Humility

Repentance and Forgiveness

Love and Mercy